Post game wrapup

[Pancreas]

If you are easily offended... or even not so easily offended stop reading this...


Really.



There was some amazing softball played this week, and it was truly beauty in motion. The only mother fucking problem was that it was not being played by George Jetson. Though I was unable to catch the game live, the replay on the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network and Sportscenter highlights showed me all I needed. I knew something was going to be wrong when I felt the first tear fall down my cheek while watching. By the end of it all I found myself curled up on the floor in the fetal position, weeping and sucking my thumb. It is clear that there is something missing in this season’s George Jetsons. Perhaps they’re missing an all-beloved friend, perhaps a third baseman moved to another city, or perhaps everybody is missing a vital organ and nobody is getting the necessary amount of insulin. But I think we all know that those are all bullshit excuses. GJ just sucked.

In their first game George Jetson showed up ready to grab the monkey by the ass, but just ended up being the recipients of bonobos frottage. Though pleasing to the touch, when you open your eyes it’s worse than the morning after some heavy tequila drinking. It was clear nobody came to play and instead focused on the Goodyear blimps under the shirt of the lady in the stands. Not that we can blame GJ, but as my coach always told me, “Boy, sure they’re nice to look at, but if you want to touch ‘em, you’re gonna have to win the game”… advice that needed to be given to the Jetsons on Tuesday. There were some hits this game, I think a few people actually made it to home plate, but GJ ended up short of the necessary 12.

My favorite highlight of the game was when Moose urinated on the runner on second, the runner backed off the base and was tagged out. That catch made by the outfielder was nice too. I think we all remember the play in the third inning that was fielded and almost became a triple play, but instead resulted in multiple monkey runs and no outs. I still don’t know how George Jetson fucked that one up so badly. But Whathefuckever. GJ lost any way you look at it. The MVJ is going to Edgar for what is expected to be a rousing game of “What’s Under Edgar’s Hat” this St. Patrick’s Day as well as the amazing updates to gjsoftball.net.

Game 2, or as it is popularly becoming known, “Fat Asses on the Field” was no better. Wait, hold the fuck on. It was actually much worse. Missing the frottage of the first game, Chip and Hoochie had only one choice to get it back, the outfield fence. I don’t envy the chafing they must have experienced the day after. And now that I think about it, where was Gil? Apparantly he had a broken finger, and though his press agent declares it “unrelated”, a girl we will refer to only as “Sabrina” couldn’t walk all day. I don’t want to know.

Well, somehow the motherfuckers run ruled us. They continued to run the bases while the Jetsons rolled in the dirt like locusts in the middle of the Pacific. I’ve seen more play from a high school virgin than from the Jetsons this game. The Bulls saw us as their cows in heat, like their doe’s to the bucks in rutting season, like their Eilene’s to Dexy’s Midnight Runners. Clem had some nice grabs as always, unfortunately he was only grabbing himself. Dries showed us all why we want him running in front of big hitters. I think Q made contact with the ball. But worst of all, somebody spilled beer. Though I saw lots of running around there was not much teamwork. GJ adopted the motto I would tell my coach in high school after kicking our starting third baseman in the nads, “Hey, there’s no DJ in T-E-A-M!” I wish there was more to say other than a STR82 is probably in order for after the next games to get the team spirit up… though a whore at the game may do just as well, unfortunately we don’t yet know if Lillard will make it.

This game’s MVJ goes to Gilmore for… well, I’ll just say, way to go Gimore! A broken finger, now THAT’S impressive work!

[eljefe]

I wish I knew how to quit you, DJ! Thanks for the awesome award...I'd like to thank the Academy...I'm just trying to matter!

[Hoochie]

Even though you weren't there, DJ, that was an extremely accurate account of the games. The Jetsons sucked last week.

Oh, you forgot to mention that one time at band camp........

[Dirty Moose]

Wow, if that doesn't get us motivated nothing will. That goes right up there with the "Germans bombed pearl harbor" speech.

[Fence]

I don't know. I kind of want to suck again just so I can hear DJ rant. I never think he'll be able to live up to his own standard, but every recap he writes is spectacular.